#AskLYNDON 2: THE GRAY ZONE

Grayzone

I had an IG Stories Q&A with my followers on Instagram earlier today, and one of the questions that struck me is about GRAY ZONE.

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When things were not yet complicated there were just: Married or In A Relationship. As we enter the new millennium new categories were used. Secret On, Friends With Benefits, FUBU and Dating to name a few. Then there came the millennial era where everything is complicated. I’m sure most of you heard of these terms: Ghosting, Friendzone, DTR, Lemming and Gray Zone.

So, what is a Gray Zone? Remember when people will say there are just 2 options, Black or White. If you are confused or lost and can not define what’s happening between you and the other person that you’ve been talking, kissing or spending most of your time with, that is the GRAY ZONE. It’s not a YES nor a NO. You’re not in a relationship but you are not just friends. What could be more blurry than this stupid area? Right?

So, the question was, “Have you been on Gray Zone?”. The answer is YES! Maybe because I am that type of person who is not particular with labels and DTR. As long as we get along and we are happy, I’m fine with it. Wait, only because I haven’t met that person who I will be defining something with.

Let me share a story.

A lot of you will agree that the best way to get over someone is to find someone new. I was talking to my best friend that time sharing my story about “this person”, let’s call this person: BIMBO. Bimbo broke my heart without Bimbo knowing it. We used to hang out everyday, we would call each other before sleeping and then one day it just stopped. No explanation, no whatever. Next morning, I saw Bimbo spending more time with CUTIE. It broke my heart that time, I even bought my first expensive bag because of that. I was very upset and my best friend said why not try meeting new people. She suggested that I should try talking to “that person”, let’s call that person: MASTERMIND. I’m not attracted to Mastermind at all but there’s this one time, I’m on my way to a meeting and I bumped into Mastermind inside the lift. I started a small talk and Mastermind started teasing me. From then on, we became secret friends. We would not talk when we see each other but we will send SMS and Facebook messenger chats. It went on for months and true enough, I forgot Bimbo. Though that secret friendship with Mastermind didn’t reach another level and we just lost it. Little did we know, the following months would be more colorful for us. Mastermind started hanging out with me. Mastermind would give me stuff I like and mind you, Mastermind did research pretty well. When people started to notice that there is something going on between us, I started ignoring Mastermind. The hanging out became a single nod when we see each other or worse not look at each other’s eyes at all. I thought it’s the end of our connection. Then came one afternoon of 2017, we started talking again and this time I thought it’s going to be different. Mastermind would send me messages or call me every hour, we would spend breakfast, lunch and afternoon snacks together. I’ve started to feel something with what’s happening that time. Every time we would hold hands or kiss I can feel that there’s a different connection between us. People would ask us if we are already together and to me it didn’t feel right. We talked about it and came up with a mutual decision by not defining the relationship we have. It’s perfectly fine with me but a part of me wanted to try if we would click together. We can’t deny that the chemistry is very strong but it’s meant to be just like that. Mastermind is my soulmate, my best friend and my almost relationship. Eventually, I figured out I don’t want to be stuck on that zone, the Gray zone and it was a clever decision not to put a label on that relationship.

You know the signs are there but you just don’t want to deal with it. A part of you wants to believe that in time, this will be perfect. I tell you, it’s not a walk in the park. When you start asking yourself how he/she feels about you: “He likes me but is it enough?”, “She does enjoy spending time with me, does it mean she cares about me?”. Let me tell you straight to the point. He/She likes you but he/she doesn’t like you enough to be in a relationship with you. Chemistry is not an instant thing and compatibility doesn’t end in music, movies or food, it’s a special connection you have. Find that spark. You hang out almost everyday but he doesn’t want to make it official. You talk for hours but you don’t hear from her after. He refuses to be exclusive but doesn’t want to put label. She always tell you she misses you but there is no effort being made to spend time with you. If you see lack of liking then know your way out. If that’s how he/she feels about you, you can never change it. Don’t assume that he/she is the right person for you because obviously, he/she is not.

Do not focus on the things that you want to hear and disregard the things that stating the obvious. It’s like you are ignoring the truth and you’re just waiting for him/her to return the time and affection that you’ve been giving him/her. We can never force someone to feel something towards us because it will be painful in the end. Sometimes we think that he is just dropping clues because he can’t say it directly. We think that if we let this person go away, we’ve wasted the possibility of having a future with him. To be honest, from the very start it was very clear, there is no future in that relationship. If you’ve exerted much effort and he is still not interested in defining the relationship, you’ve done your part and it’s going to be a waste of time if you will continue pursuing this person. The right person will not let you guess and will take every opportunity to be with you. The next time you’ll be stuck in this Gray area ask yourself what led you to this situation. Do not repeat the same mistake and bring it in your next relationship. Make sure to do some soul searching or self realization so you can always come out of this area on the first sign of danger.

Truth is, getting over someone you never had is worse than an actual break-up. There will always be what if and what could have been .

 

XO,

D.

 

 

 

 

 

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The Breakup Playlist

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I know a lot of us have been through break-ups already. It’s not just boyfriend/girlfriend breakup, there are sibling breakup, best friend breakup and a whole lot more. Breakup is a very sad and painful feeling. Automatically, what we want is to be happy again. We will shop, have a new haircut, travel, pray or read a book, but the first thing that we really want to do after a breakup is to listen to music. Agree? There’s a magic in every song that it brings us back to the time where we first heard it. Listening to these songs brings us good and bad memories. Most of the time, songs make us cry and that’s normal. It helps us confront our feelings and move on. Crying also helps us to let go of our baggage and end the suffering.

I made a playlist on SPOTIFY, search: DON MARTIN on Spotify and go to my THE BREAKUP PLAYLIST. If you don’y have SPOTIFY account, you can check the songs below.

10. ALMOST LOVER – A Fine Frenzy

This song is about an almost relationship. We all know that “almost relationships” are painful as official relationships. There are lots of questions, unanswered and most of the time there are no closures.

“I never want to see you unhappy, I thought you’d want the same for me…”


Video Credit: Adelina Pop || YOUTUBE.

9. BROKEN STRINGS – James Morrison

This song is about a recent break-up and the hard part of dealing with it.

“I try to hold on, but it hurts too much. I try to forgive, but it’s not enough to make it all okay…”


Video Credit : Naiu || YOUTUBE

8. IT’S OVER NOW – Kyla

This song is about falling out of love and the process of forgetting someone.

“Though the feeling hasn’t passed, sad to say our love didn’t last…”


Video Credit : Labyrinth Thez || YOUTUBE

7. BEFORE I LET YOU GO – Freestyle

Before I let you go is about someone who is still in love with the person even after that person left him. He doesn’t have a choice but to let that person go.

“‘Cause letting love go is never easy, but I love you so that’s why I set you free…”


Video Credit : IHAVETODOWHAT || YOUTUBE

6. TO MOVE ON – Kithara

This song is telling us about the process of moving on and how hard it is.

“The more i try to ignore you my heart points to you, and when i try to run from you my mind thinks of you…”


Video Credit: KITHARA || YOUTUBE

5. SOMEDAY – Nina

Someday is a song about a woman who’s trying to move on after his ex-boyfriend left her.

“Someday someone’s gonna love me, the way I wanted you to need me, someday someone’s gonna take your place…”


Video Credit: Shalom Baltazar || YOUTUBE

4. SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD – Barry Manilow

Obviously, just like the first few lines of this song, this is about a love at the wrong time and the hope of meeting that love again in the future.

“Letting go is just another way to say, Ill always love you so…”


Video Credit : Rachel Reyes || YOUTUBE

3. HANGGANG DITO NA LANG – Jimmy Bondoc

This song is about a love that you thought will last forever but it ended and how you badly wanted to move on and detach yourself from that person.

“Mga nakasanayan, dapat ng kalimutan, upang di tayo magkasakitan…”


Video Credit: turpeetur || YOUTUBE

2. FIX YOU – Coldplay

Fix You is a song about how much you wanted to still be there for the person even after you’ve gone separate ways.

“When you love someone, but it goes to waste, could it be worse…?”


Video Credit: Salinas Landin || YOUTUBE

1. LET ME BE THE ONE – Jimmy Bondoc

This song is the ultimate breakup song. No need to explain it.

“Let me be the one to break it up , so you won’t have to make excuses…”


Video Credit: just07know || YOUTUBE

I know it’s hard to deal with a breakup. Just always remember, that everything will be alright. Remember that oh so familiar song, “there’s a rainbow always after the rain…” The best part of it? We all know how to love.

Love. Love. Love,

D.