I’m actually still having thoughts if I will continue with this entry or not. To begin with, the main reason why I want to write about whatever this I’m writing is to let these things out of my chest. Since the people involved are not fans of serious conversations unless it’s about their lives, I’ve decided to just write about them and my experiences with them here.
Dear Valentine : Or should I say Ex-Valentine.
February 14, 2018 should’ve been our first anniversary, only if that I’m cheesy and assuming. You might be wondering what happened that day, let me take you back to Valentine’s Day 2017.
Our friendship went on a hiatus phase from October 2016 to the early days of February 2017. On February 14, 2017 you saw me walking along a busy street and you asked me where am I going. I told you that I’m just going to run some errands and you offered to walk me through. Right after, you invited me for lunch. We went to this Mexican restaurant and when we sat down you mentioned, ” Uy Valentine’s Day pala today, tayo pa magkasama”. And I never thought that it will be the start of something special. Remember we had this fight when I got back from Singapore?, that moment, I felt that you value what we had and you value me as a person. I did not expect that we would be closer after that incident. Your Viber messages would start my day in the morning and end my day at night. You would surprise me everyday from the sweetest note to the yummiest snack. We were inseparable and I’m pretty sure that something so special like that would bring us somewhere and it is very impossible to end it.
But as they say, All good things come to an end. The messages went from seldom to none. The sweet notes, the snack, even the hanging out all disappeared. I don’t know if it’s because of that something that we agreed on or was it because of that little secret. I thought we made it very clear from the start that this is what we wanted and as mature individuals, we will stick together and face our future together as friends. It took me 2 months to come to my senses and feel that I was somehow betrayed by someone who I treated dearly. Yes, I was hurt and it hurts so much every single day that I see you and you didn’t even say you were sorry. You know that you’ve hurt me and you know that this will happen but you didn’t do anything. You didn’t even bother to stop whatever was happening for our friendship’s sake. There were 2 questions I wanted to ask you that time: When are you planning to talk to me and tell everything and Did you just play with my emotions? I was so disappointed that I’m close to that point that you will not exist in my life anymore.
Good thing I know you already. I know how you treat your problems and how you treat people as well. And it’s very hard for you to say sorry but your actions say otherwise. You are a living testament that action speaks louder than words. From the day that I’ve started talking to you again, you’ve exerted so much effort to show how sorry you were and how you always wanted us to go back to our old “us”. Sorry is very important to me but you were also important that it doesn’t matter anymore if I hear it from you or not as long as I feel your sincerity and remorse. I’ve forgiven you but I haven’t forgotten what happened yet. I know it will take time but at least I’m getting there, we are getting there. I just hope one day, you’ll find that courage to own up your mistakes and talk to me about what really happened. No more secrets. No more hiding. No more lies. Only the truth for a friendship that I know is very real. I’ll be waiting…
Still trying to understand everything,